A young man ended his life today. Though we'll never know what went through his mind in those final moments, it was an act of hopeless finality . We do know how it's affected his friends whom he reached out to just before committing the act.
I don't know if this young man understood that there was still something worth living for. If he hadn't turned his phone off after that last text, he would have quickly found out that his friends were on their way to help him. Some called 911, some jumped into their cars, and some kept trying to get him back on that phone. They all hoped and prayed they would not be too late. Now they are left with the undeserved feeling that they were too late and had done too little.
I'm certain that most parents of this boy's friends are as horrified as I am; for regardless of how we felt about this young man, we know that his death is affecting our children, and we are afraid for them. We can't understand the hopelessness and depression our children are experiencing. To us, they have their whole lives ahead of them - the chance to go farther and become more than we've accomplished in our lives.
If I could say one thing to my daughter and her friends as they mourn the loss of their friend it would be this: You're not in this life alone, no matter how it might feel at times. You are loved with a passion that would cause any of us to lay down our lives for you. You are the best thing we've ever done - you have inside you the best your mom and dad could offer.
If we've been so blind to not see what you're going through, please forgive us. We might come home exhausted and stressed from trying to make it from one paycheck to the next and not realize that you need us to pay as much attention to you as we do to our jobs. We may have left you at home to be supervised by a television; or if we've watched TV together, we may have only conversed during station breaks. Forgive us.
It is natural to want to place the blame for this young man's death on someone or something: depression, drugs, the education system, the government, the church, the media and televion and video games and unemployment....anywhere but accept our responsibility.
I met this young man briefly one time and don't even recall his appearance. Yet, he was important to my daughter. They were friends. If he was important to her, he should have been more important to me. They rushed to try to save him but were too late. Now they sit together, broken hearted and hurting and alone, and the parents are trying to give them space to grieve. I think that we should be there with our children, letting them know that they are not alone, that they are valued and loved and needed. I called my daughter and asked if I could come over to her friend's house where the kids are gathering but she said no, that she was OK, really and for me not to worry. But I do worry, and before I let her go I told her I love her and that I'm here for her no matter what. She's never alone in this life. I'm her dad, she's my purpose in life. I'm praying for my daughter and her friends and for this young man. I pray that as a parent that I'll be more attuned to what my daughter is experiencing and that she will always feel like she can turn to me when life just seems too hard. We're in this together.
I didn't talk to her about God and that He's there with them as they mourn. Hopefully they will remember that He's their first and best hope. At least they've been taught that. I just pray that it's real right now.
Maybe if there is one good thing that could come out of the young man's death, it's that those who loved him will understand that what he's done to them is not something they would wish on those they love. Life is but a vapor and gone too quickly; but how precious is every soul.
This evening my daughter posted a note to her friend on Facebook. He's not here for her to tell him that she loves him. She's still trying to save him, but barring that, her most heartfelt desire is that he'll find the peace there that he couldn't find here. His friends could use some of that peace too.
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