A Daughter's Faith, Her Heart, and Her Passion

Four years and three months ago, doctors gave Jennifer three months to live. God gave her the three months, and four more years; and for this I am very grateful Though the past two weeks have been filled with sorrow and more questions than answers, I've not once had to ask God the "Why" question. The why is apparent. It's been a looming reality for more than four years. Why is seldom the correct question. The question that I must deal with and that every person who knew Jennifer must deal with is "What now?"

This blog will become part of the biography that Jennifer wanted me to write so that her two sons, Joshuwa Bradley and Mikil Lucus (sorry about the spelling but that's the way they were spelled on the birth certificates), would know how much she loved them. At seven and two, their memories will be few and incomplete. Even those of us who had Jennifer as part of our lives will begin to forget, or choose to forget, the tragic, yet extraordinary life of Jennifer McGarr.

As I assembled the slideshow for yesterday's memorial service, and as my wife - whom Jennifer referred to as her 'real' mom, printed photos for the collage we would display next to her urn, I struggled to comprehend how a child with such innocent eyes could witness so much evil in her short lifetime. Even more extraordinary is how Jennifer allowed those events to shape her personality but never to harden her heart. She remained until the end one of the most generous and loving persons I've ever known - even if all she left behind were a couple of cell phones and a laptop and two boys whom she had to trust to the care of her mother while she tried to get well.


I am so grateful for those four extra years that God allowed Jennifer. We may never know His purpose for doing so, but I believe we can expect to see His hand at work because Jennifer was available and willing. Had Jennifer not survived as long as she did, Mikil would not have been born. We don't know what God has purposed for Mikil, but He needed Jennifer, as sick and scared as she was, to be Mikil's mother.

Had Jennifer not survived longer than the doctors had predicted, she would not have met Laura Lee - whom Jennifer refers to as her wife. Jennifer - who was abused by so many men - found the love she longed for in the heart of another woman. That Jennifer struggled with what her faith teaches about same sex marriage in no way negates the love Christ has for her. I view Laura Lee as an act of mercy God allowed into Jennifer's life. I also view Jennifer as an act of mercy and love that God allowed in Laura Lee's life.

We may never know how those four extra years God gave to Jennifer have affected others. It was during those four years that my relationship with my daughter from my first marriage began its reconciliation. Jennifer and her brother resolved some of their differences they had with one another. My brother and I began to grow closer again. In just the past two weeks I'm beginning to see how God used Jennifer to reconcile families. It was because of Jennifer that I met my wife Pam; and it was Jennifer who became her closest friend on this side of the country.

Jennifer was so much like me: stubborn, profane, tactless, opinionated.... but at the same time, she forced me to confront my prejudices and my worldview and see things from a different viewpoint. Perhaps she learned something about herself from me. I do know that Jennifer loved me very much. I believe she was becoming more trustful of me after a few years of seeing that I was not out to hurt or to use her. While God was working changes in lives because of Jennifer, He was working in Jennifer's life as well.

The theme of Jennifer's memorial service is what helped me cope with the loss of my daughter. It's something she told me over and over again when she asked for help and I couldn't provide it: "Don't worry about me Daddy. I'll be OK. God will take care of me. He always has." Two weeks ago, four years and three months after she was sentenced to three months to live; God decided that Jennifer had done enough during those extra years He gave her. His plans for her are perfect and good. She is now at home in the only home she could call her own. She's free from pain, free from fear, free from people who would harm her and her loved ones, free from hurtful words, free from being taken advantage of, free from a broken heart over the broken relationships in her life, free from a confused mind. Free. And she's with a Father who can give her everything she needs and more than she could ever have wanted.

Jennifer possessed childlike faith in Jesus Christ. She struggled to follow scripture, but she trusted its Author. Her wounded heart was still able to hold all her love for her children, and for her family, and for people who, like her, were wounded and rejected. Everyone who knew Jennifer knew that her passion was Joshuwa and Mikil. It was for them that she held on as long as she could. Though the past two years she could only talk to them for a couple of minutes over the phone, they consumed her every waking minute.

Jennifer's body was a canvas dedicated to what was important in her life: pictures of the boys, a cross, her grandfather's initials; Woody, an angel, a penguin, a rose.... "Daddy" and "Mommy", with the initials of her wife underneath, and a quote from Tupaq "Chill and let my Father do His work". The pain from the tattoo needles soothed the pain from cancer and in some strange way helped focus her mind on the things that are eternal.

So here we are. The memorial service is done. Extra copies of the slideshow have been made for family and friends. The busyness is over, and all that's left is to watch for what God does with Jennifer's legacy and to write her story. If you were Jennifer's family or friend and you have stories or recollections you'd like to incorporate into her biography, please send them to me. You can respond here to this thread, or you can email them to me at "lmcgarr@nc.rr.com". It's going to be painful in places, unbelievable in others, embarrassing and funny and hopefully uplifting. I have some recordings that Jennifer made, some notes she kept from her counseling sessions, some memories from what she told us, two or three wills as she kept changing her mind about how she wanted her belongings shared, some photos of her at a young age and some from the past four and a half years - but few from the remaining two-thirds of Jennifer's life. If you have photos or memories, please send them to me.

It's going to be a journey of discovery - about Jennifer and about who we are. Things kept in the dark will be brought into the light so that healing can take place. Healing or justice - or both.

Dear Jesus

This morning I pulled into a parking space at work and sat in the car for a few moments before going inside the office. I was reluctant to leave the solitude of my car for the distractions of the office. As I sat looking out the window at woods distorted by rivulets of rain water flowing down my windshield, I said a quick prayer: "Dear Jesus, please help me to know you as my best friend."

On the ride in to work this morning I was thinking about the past 57 years and how much has happened. Yesterday I turned 58 years old. So much has changed in my lifetime, yet some things have barely changed at all. For example, my perspective on Jesus has been for most of my life as a bearded man in robes who endured a cross for my sins about 2,000 years before I was born. I understood He loved me and wanted to restore the relationship between His Father and mankind; and I knew that His Spirit was sent to us as our personal Counselor to help us live the 'Christian walk'; but He's always been more Savior than brother to me, too holy and busy leading more obedient and passionate Christians to spend time hanging out with this worldly disciple.

It's only been since reading books like "The Shack" by Paul Young, "He Loves Me!" by Wayne Jacobsen, "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Phillip Yancey, and "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore" by Jake Colsen that my eyes and heart have been opened to how much Jesus wants a personal relationship with me. Far from the dry pages of scripture, these books have revealed to me what Joseph Scrivens sensed 150 years ago when he penned "What a Friend We Have In Jesus." While Scrivens' message focussed on trials and temptations, he understood that Jesus was the kind of friend who was willing to walk with us anywhere if we'd just invite Him into our circumstances.

Prior to reading books like those mentioned above, I came from a legalistic, literal background, and I was afraid that if I read and accepted something that wasn't verbatim what is found in scripture, then I was risking my salvation. I'm learning better. Perhaps the book that has most affected my perception of God has been "The Shack" - a story about Papa - the Father disguised as a beautiful black woman; Sarayu - an almost physical Holy Spirit, and Jesus - the brother who loves to wrap His arms around you and lead you on walks through the woods and across waters. The Shack and these other books have challenged my understanding of what I've been taught about God for most of my life; but they ring true and because of the God they reveal, I feel as though I've found the door that allows me to have an intimate relationship with Him.

Paul warned us about telling people about God's grace and Jesus' sacrifice and then loading them down with legalism - putting them back under the bonds of the Law. The Shack succeeded in presenting the God who got saved between Malachi and Matthew. We no longer need to worry about a schizophrenic God who wavers between holy justice and conditional love depending upon our performance. Papa is not the God who takes out His wrath against mankind on the person of Jesus, His only Son. Papa is the God Who keeps a constant vigil for every lost child and who picks up His robes and runs to embrace those who come to their senses and admit that His ways are better than their own. Jesus is not the unfortunate victim of an angry Father and a sinful world who went to that cross reluctantly, begging for God to come up with another solution for saving humanity. Jesus charged directly at sin, risking His own life to save those whom God loves passionately. As Wayne Jacobsen, author of "He Loves Me!", points out - only Jesus could hold the Father's passion and the weight of all sin upon His person and bear it until the Father's passion consumed sin.

When you really understand what Jesus meant when He said that He came not to condemn the world, but that the world, through Him might be saved; you understand that God doesn't want to punish you for your sins, He's not angry at you for failings, He's not uncomfortable with your filth and scars or your low self-esteem; but He's passionately in love with you. If you understand His love, grace, and forgiveness, you no longer need to appease Him out of fear of hell; you're free to love Him. Papa doesn't want servants, He wants relationships. Religion serves, love fills the emptiness in our hearts, and allows us to see God the way Jesus spoke to us about in scriptures.

And so this morning I asked Jesus to come be more than my Savior, but to help me know Him as the friend He has always been to me. I know that as I spend more time hanging out with Jesus, I'm going to start seeing the world not through my distorted viewpoint, but through His. I may have to let go of my alter-ego, Bubba BiGot Jr, III and become a new creation in His image.

Some things change slowly, but I'm grateful that God doesn't leave us like He found us. We could 'what if' our past decisions for eternity, but thank God that He never stops coaxing us towards Him. If, occasionally, I slip up and say or do something nice or out of character for me; just know that it's Jesus putting His hands over my soulish mouth and speaking through me. And if at some point I become this totally cool and loveable guy who everyone wants to be around - just know that He's almost done with me and it's time to go Home.

I Love You Daddy

This morning, I dropped my daughter off at the airport so that she could fly out to California in the hopes that the doctors at Berkeley can help get her cancer into remission. Tomorrow morning, my baby girl leaves for Appalachian State University to start college. And this past weekend at Myrtle Beach, I was able to spend time with my youngest son and his fiance.

Perhaps the thing that means to most to me is to hear the words, "I love you Daddy." Too often they're said in parting, and since we don't know if we'll get another chance to express our love for one another, it's important that those words are said.

This week is particularly tough because for my two daughters, life is about to change immediately. In a few months life will change for my son. They know that I love them, but I don't know if they understand how proud I am of them. My son has found a beautiful bride to partner with and their lives, like those of my daughters, will take it's own course. Finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is a wonderful and necessary thing. We weren't created to live for ourselves. I'm proud of him for committing himself to such a fine young woman who loves him back.

My youngest daughter, the baby girl who's been my constant companion every weekend since she was three, is now going to college so that she can learn how to help other children. She's grown way too fast. She's beautiful and smart and has a gentle heart under that tough facade she puts on around others. When she's with me, she likes to cuddle, and when she's able to sleep, she looks too young and innocent for the world she's about to enter. And as much as I want to protect her and keep her near, I love her too much to stifle her and hinder her potential to be all that God created her to become.

My other daughter, the one who's in stage 5 cancer, she's amazed and humbled me with her strength and endurance. When she was little, if something was hard, she would quit. Now that she's fighting for her life, she's not quitting. In spite of constant pain and debilitating drugs, she gets up every day glad to be alive. Three years ago the doctors gave her three months to live. She's still defying death, even when the reports all come back negative. She calls me several times a day, saying "What's up, you good looking man?" She shows so much appreciation for every little thing that I and anyone else does for her, for she understands that nothing is fair or deserved in this life. Every good thing is a blessing from God. This daughter has two boys of her own, and she misses them so much she cries herself to sleep each night thinking of them. She can't afford much on her small disability check, but she's always trying to find something for the boys. She'll do anything, and has done some questionable things, for them. Most of all, I'm proud of her gentle and giving heart. I'm going to write a story about her life and tell about all the obstacles she's had to overcome. My prayer is that she will be around to see it published.

Life hasn't gone the way I thought it would when I was growing up. Squandered opportunities and 'what-ifs' could haunt me to an early grave; except for knowing that everything I've done hasn't been pointless. I've got some great kids who love me in spite of the failed relationships that brought them into this world. My biggest regret is that there are three more children from my first marriage who I allowed myself to lose touch with. I've missed out on their journeys from children to adulthood; but I'm sure that I would have every reason to be just as proud of what they've become as I have in my youngest three. I can't ever hear "I love you Daddy" from my oldest children, but I can honestly say that I love them.

I pray for my kids. I'm getting worn out early in life. The time for playing catch or wrestling on the floor is past for me. Still, whenever I hear them say, "I love you Daddy", I'm drawn back to the time I could hoist them onto my shoulders, or tuck them in and tell them not to grow up too fast. I want to be a Daddy for as long as I possibly can.

Father's Day

Sunday is Father's Day and on Saturday I'm going to see a daughter I haven't seen since she was two years old. Now she has two children of her own. I've six children and seven grandchildren - only two of whom have ever met me. By all rights, I haven't been the kind of father you see depicted on a Norman Rockwell painting. I tried to do right by my youngest daughter, but it's been a tough and shameful road.

As I think about the ideal human father, I'm drawn to Joseph, the father of Jesus. He married a woman in spite of the shame her presumed infidelity brought upon him. He loved her and protected her and her son from those who would kill them. Joseph took his family to another country to protect them from Herod and he took a child that wasn't his as a son and brought Him up as his own. Joseph didn't own much, but what he had, he shared with Jesus. He taught him a skill that provided a profession for the young man. Apparently, Joseph made sure that Jesus was schooled because Jesus' knowledge and insight impressed scholars, even at a young age. Probably, Joseph talked to Jesus about responsibility for himself and for his mother and siblings.

We don't know what happened to Joseph - how long he was around, how he died, etc. But we do know the character of the son he raised. While Jesus was fully God, he was also fully human. He learned how to walk, then talk, then to use both hammer and scripture with purpose. Before Jesus died, He charged John to care for his mother, probably just as Joseph charged Him to care for her before he died.

Joseph was not well-known. Although his wife is revered today, Joseph is mostly forgotten. All we know about him is that he did the right things, never seeking a reputation for himself. Joseph's legacy however is the Savior of the whole world. Not bad for a poor carpenter from Bethany.

I've fathered some great kids. Although I wasn't around much in their lives, they are still my legacy and I'm very proud of them.

America's Founding History - In their own words

My friend, James M. Pratt, has assembled the collection you see above so that we all might educate ourselves about our nation's purpose.

This past weekend, my family took a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. It's a favorite destination for anyone east of the Mississippi. Normally it's difficult to find a vacancy at a hotel from June until November in Gatlinburg. However, we noticed that every hotel/motel in the area had a vacancy sign lit. The economy is just one indicator that our country is in peril - but it's a big indicator because it's a reflection of our confidence in our government and in the businesses that provide the jobs and the security we all desire.

Already many politicians are lining themselves up for a run for President in 2012. Partisianship has never been more prevalent. While the politicians rant and rave and blame one another for America's woes, Americans react with fear and anger. We can't believe that we elected these people to serve us; we thought that the government worked for us; we thought we lived in a republic - government by the people, for the people, of the people. We used to. I remember when we did.

The vision that our founders had for America is not the vision shared by our leaders today. To be sure, there were disagreements among our Founders about the best form of government for a free people. We didn't arrive at our Constitution overnight. It took decades to come up with our founding documents, and those were based on thousands of years of study - as far back as Plato and Aristotle. Millions have served to protect the founding principles of our nation; over a million have given their lives for the cause of freedom.

Inside those documents are the solution to America's problems today. Understand them and it doesn't matter what party you belong to. America is bigger than any party. The economy was a factor preceeding and during the Revolutionary War as colonists rejected the high taxes imposed on the people by a government that neglected the people. We can learn from past experience, so I encourage everyone to get your collection. Just click on the link above.

I think you'll also enjoy James' latest blog post about WWII veteran Howie Beach and other D-Day veterans. Check out http://www.jmprattcom.blogspot.com/.

Crap & True Confessions

When you were growing up, did you envision your life turning out the way it did? Or did life take you on a ride through the ghettos and bypass the country clubs? When did you realize that your life was beyond your control?

Life isn't fair. Murphy is omnipresent. If you’re lied to enough, eventually you’re going to believe a lie. Good people suffer injustice, and the rights of criminals are protected by law. Even in this land of opportunity, most people never rise above mediocrity and their only footnote in history is an obituary. And that's just talking about everyone else!

I don't live in a mansion and life hasn't always been easy. Still, I've been around long enough to know that there are things that money can't fix: things like death, loss of trust, stupidity, and the government. If money could fix those things, Oprah could stay thin, Rosie O'Donnell wouldn't be paranoid, the Catholic Church wouldn't waste money compensating the victims of perverted priests, and the trillions of dollars thrown at welfare wouldn't result in more people in poverty today than ever before.

I myself came from very humble beginnings. Out of five sons, only three of us survived birth. Out of ten million sperm, I won. I’ve often wondered what I’ve missed out on had another sperm gotten to that egg first. Maybe I'd be able to sing, play the piano, paint a fractal, cure a disease - heck, I'd just like to learn to swim, but my legs and arms won't both move at the same time... Don’t get me wrong, my parents were great, but I turned out a shithead - at least in my own mind. I’ve lived for the moment. I’ve taken the smoothest route at the time - only to pay dearly later on. I’ve given up too quickly and compromised my dreams by settling for second or third best. In addition to learning survival skills, I’ve learned to wear a facade - to pretend that I was in control of my own destiny. Actually, I avoided risks; which resulted in missed opportunities. Shame became my constant companion and I’ve devoted a lot of time trying to hide him from my friends and family. I developed other skills to disguise my shame: loyalty, humor, and the ability to teach others how not to be like myself.

Not that I’ve needed help. Life throws us curveballs too. A storm can come along and destroy your home; a better qualified person can take your job; a deadbeat friend or relative can drag you down with them. Loved ones die and leave you with a hole in your heart that can't be filled. Life is full of crap, and often life gets tiring.

Skills acquired in life can, and often are, cruel protectors. Shame can keep us from knowing the difference between a values statement and an observation. My wife can say "It's time to cut the grass." but what hear is "You're a lazy, worthless slug, and I wonder why I ever married you!" What my wife meant was that the grass needs to be cut, but my own opinion of myself caused me to hear something else completely.

Yet, in spite of all the crap that comes our way, there is a brighter side to life. There is this thing called hope. It's a God-thing that often defies logic and reason. And where there is hope, there is an opportunity to learn and profit from our mistakes.

I've learned that self-discipline is a work of the flesh that keeps me from living in the grace of God. I’ve discovered that facts change depending upon my perception. I've also learned that people who tell the truth don't have to remember anything. There's a lot of freedom in being transparent, which may explain why there are so many depressed people in the world today.

There's something else I've learned: a seed grows well in crap. In fact, crap provides the perfect environment for a seed to grow into something beautiful. God uses crap to bless our lives with. An unplanned child from a broken marriage might become a daddy's girl who brings him great pride and joy. Cancer can destroy the body of a loved one, but it can't kill their spirit or prevent a miracle in the form of a beautiful grandson. Bankruptcy may destroy your credit, but you’ll find that in losing your possessions that they no longer possess you. Acquaintenances may turn their backs on you when your facade crumbles, but it's then that you discover who your real friends are.

Everyone you meet has crap in their lives. Most want the same thing you do: to be loved, valued, to count for something. Maybe you've seen someone who's going through so much crap that you're thankful for your own. We're told to get our crap together; so maybe that's what we ought to do. With all the crap in this world, surely there is enough of us to turn it in to something wonderful: a home for the homeless, a shoulder to cry on, or a cause to donate to or volunteer for.

Life’s crap can be a blessing in disguise. It may stink while you’re going through it, but without it, you can’t grow. If you’ve got crap in your life now – rejoice! Grow something!

No one is alone

A young man ended his life today. Though we'll never know what went through his mind in those final moments, it was an act of hopeless finality . We do know how it's affected his friends whom he reached out to just before committing the act.

I don't know if this young man understood that there was still something worth living for. If he hadn't turned his phone off after that last text, he would have quickly found out that his friends were on their way to help him. Some called 911, some jumped into their cars, and some kept trying to get him back on that phone. They all hoped and prayed they would not be too late. Now they are left with the undeserved feeling that they were too late and had done too little.


I'm certain that most parents of this boy's friends are as horrified as I am; for regardless of how we felt about this young man, we know that his death is affecting our children, and we are afraid for them. We can't understand the hopelessness and depression our children are experiencing. To us, they have their whole lives ahead of them - the chance to go farther and become more than we've accomplished in our lives.

If I could say one thing to my daughter and her friends as they mourn the loss of their friend it would be this: You're not in this life alone, no matter how it might feel at times. You are loved with a passion that would cause any of us to lay down our lives for you. You are the best thing we've ever done - you have inside you the best your mom and dad could offer.

If we've been so blind to not see what you're going through, please forgive us. We might come home exhausted and stressed from trying to make it from one paycheck to the next and not realize that you need us to pay as much attention to you as we do to our jobs. We may have left you at home to be supervised by a television; or if we've watched TV together, we may have only conversed during station breaks. Forgive us.

It is natural to want to place the blame for this young man's death on someone or something: depression, drugs, the education system, the government, the church, the media and televion and video games and unemployment....anywhere but accept our responsibility.

I met this young man briefly one time and don't even recall his appearance. Yet, he was important to my daughter. They were friends. If he was important to her, he should have been more important to me. They rushed to try to save him but were too late. Now they sit together, broken hearted and hurting and alone, and the parents are trying to give them space to grieve. I think that we should be there with our children, letting them know that they are not alone, that they are valued and loved and needed. I called my daughter and asked if I could come over to her friend's house where the kids are gathering but she said no, that she was OK, really and for me not to worry. But I do worry, and before I let her go I told her I love her and that I'm here for her no matter what. She's never alone in this life. I'm her dad, she's my purpose in life. I'm praying for my daughter and her friends and for this young man. I pray that as a parent that I'll be more attuned to what my daughter is experiencing and that she will always feel like she can turn to me when life just seems too hard. We're in this together.

I didn't talk to her about God and that He's there with them as they mourn. Hopefully they will remember that He's their first and best hope. At least they've been taught that. I just pray that it's real right now.

Maybe if there is one good thing that could come out of the young man's death, it's that those who loved him will understand that what he's done to them is not something they would wish on those they love. Life is but a vapor and gone too quickly; but how precious is every soul.

This evening my daughter posted a note to her friend on Facebook. He's not here for her to tell him that she loves him. She's still trying to save him, but barring that, her most heartfelt desire is that he'll find the peace there that he couldn't find here. His friends could use some of that peace too.

Faulty Worldviews

"Thoughts are often lies we tell ourselves". Rick Warren - pastor, Saddleback Church.

Have you ever wondered what the world was coming to, especially with all the bad news you see and read about today? How is it that the citizens of the most powerful, benevolent nation in Earth's history is so completely divided and at odds with itself? How is it that we've strayed so far from the ideals that made America great? How is it that we can't seem to find even one person who has a clue how to fix the problems now facing our nation, and the world? How is it that our neighbors and co-workers define America differently than us? How is it that one Christian can vote Republican and another vote Democrat when the core principles of each party are the opposite of the other?

Rick Warren suggests that all behavior is based on our system of beliefs. We act according to our beliefs. What we think is what we do, even if that act is self-destructive and illogical. Every time we make a decision, at that moment we believe it is the right thing for us. The way we look at problems and determine the solutions to those problems is our worldview. "Your worldview is the set of perspectives, values, and convictions that you believe to be true. It is the foundation of your life." (Rick Warren) Rick goes on to say that not everything we believe is true; that we "pick up false and faulty ideas from culture, friends, parents, books, movies, music, the media, and many other imperfect sources that we're not even aware of."

I've long wondered how a Christian could vote for someone on the Democratic ticket. I'm sure there are Democrats who wonder how a Christian can vote Republican. It's seldom about the candidates themselves, and more about the core principles each party stands for. Could it be, and I think it must be, that neither party is based entirely on truth?

Os Guiness, author of "The Case for Civility; And Why Our Future Depends On It", says that the reason we have faulty worldviews is because we've been taught lies about truth. We're taught that truth is dead, or that there is no such thing as truth; that we're all just accidents, so truth is irrelevant. Even so, what is it that victims of injustice desire the most? "Justice through truth - and if not justice, then at least truth...Without truth there can be no justice and no reconciliation."

Our society has embraced an idea of tolerance and relativism - that says that we affirm that all views are equally valid. America has passed laws, called hate-crimes, should someone vocalize or act in a way that others interpret as judgmental or intolerant.

As a Christian, I choose to believe that the God described in scriptures is real and that the scriptures themselves are true. Jesus said, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." There is liberty in truth; there is bondage in a faulty worldview. So how do I know what is true?

Besides the truth revealed in the Bible, and in nature, I can also know the truth because it is in my heart (conscience). I know right from wrong. I know that killing babies is wrong, just as I know that ignoring the poor and needy is wrong. I may choose to go along with an abortion for convenience sake, or hold on to my money to feed my own family; but my conscience will tell me I was wrong. But there's another way to know the truth; and that's by comparing my ideas with the way the world really works. Truth conforms to reality; and I can test my worldview by asking the following questions:

1. Where did I come from?
2. Why is the world such a mess?
3. Is there a solution?
4. What is my purpose?

Can Darwinism fully explain where I came from? Some may think so, but where are the intermediate fossiles that link mankind with animals? When has science ever created a new species? What are the odds that so many different life forms would exist, let alone come from one dead source? To me, intelligent design makes far more sense.
And if there is a Creator, then the idea that life is purposeless and nothing matters must give way to the knowledge that God gives all human life sanctity, value, meaning, and purpose.

Our culture rejects the idea of sin, and places the blame for all the world's ills everywhere but upon ourselves. Society teaches us to deny our responsibility for evil. We make excuses for those who commit evil. On the other hand, people ask, "If God is real, then why is there so much evil in the world today?" By implication, if God is sovereign, then every sin calls into doubt God's knowledge of what is best; so all we can do is to live the best way we know how. The problem with this worldview is that we cannot consistently do good. We can do good things, but we can't be good. Try being good and see how long you succeed. The only answer that makes sense is that Christ has overcome sin and that if we'll simply confess that we're incapable of being good (tell the truth), then He will forgive us. If you've ever been forgiven for a wrong you've done to someone else, you know what that freedom feels like.

The world is looking for salvation in all the wrong places: politics, the law, education, pacifism, economics, psychology, etc. If you've done harm to someone at some point, you probably know what guilt feels like. In my life it's spelled GUILT. Guilt has played a big part in my worldview. How does your worldview handle guilt? How can we reconcile all the wrongs every person has ever done so that we can live in a world free of guilt? The only worldview that offers a solution to this is redemption through Christ; first with God, and then in all our relationships. Not that all of our problems will go away; but through grace we can accept God's will for our lives. Because we've received grace, we cannot deny God's grace on others. We must learn to see others as God sees them rather than through our faulty worldviews...which is hard for me because I'm a bigot and I'm getting old and cranky and it's hard for an old dog to change.

Our concepts of freedom, the rule of law, and limited government come from the scriptures. It's how civilized man agrees to limit his own desires for the common good. We consciously or subconsciously desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves because we feel insignificant in the scheme of life. That's not how God views us though. He created us on purpose for a purpose. Our challenge is to discover that purpose and fulfill it. This morning in worship service one of our members commented that he'd 'just like a clue about what that purpose is.' I've often felt that way and fretted about whether I've missed what God wants me to do. As my wife also pointed out this morning, it's not about what God wants me to do, it's about what He wants to do through me. See how there's a difference from that viewpoint?

God called us to fulfill the Great Commmission: To love God with everything we are, and to love others as we love ourselves. Sounds simple, but it's not easy. If you view God as holy and sovereign, then you would probably obey God out of fear. I didn't know how to love God until I read "The Shack" by William P. Young.

I find it hard to like, let alone love, a liberal. If I pray for one, it's more likely to focus on God's wrath upon him than it is God's blessings on him. But a scriptural worldview tells me that every person is important to God, and if that person is important to God as much as I am, then that person ought to be important to me.

Before my pastor went to New Orleans to help families rebuild after Hurricane Katrina destroyed their homes and lives, I was of the opinion that they deserved what they got by ignoring all the warnings to get out ahead of the storm. Then Jimmy went down and worked on the homes of some ladies and those statistics suddenly had names; and because of Jimmy's excellent blogging, those names had faces and they had stories and they had worth. Through Jimmy's eyes, I saw people I cared nothing for as God sees them. That's how I learn to love others as I love myself.

My worldview is not perfect. I'm a fundamental Christian born in the South who loves my country with a passion. I can turn a blind eye to my daughter's faults, and I can ignore the faults of the people I am in relationship with. I can find fault with people who have a different worldview than I have - because I've not walked in their shoes or been forced to make the decisions they've had to make. The only place I can get a worldview that is based on reality is in the scriptures. I can compare my viewpoint with that of God's and if mine is different, then I know mine is the one that is wrong. I believe that scripture is inspired and protected by God, so based on that viewpoint, I choose to believe the nature and person of the God described inside. The only way that I can know God's solution and purpose for my life is to study the scriptures and to let them guide me through this journey.

People that know me probably think that I'm doing a lousy job being what I believe. I agree.

Anyone Want to Move to Texas? I Might!

"Gone" Barack Obama

Is America a Christian Nation?

Recently our President, Barry Obama, made a statement to the international community that America is not a Christian nation. His statement has created much controversy. Here's my opinion:

Barry is correct - America is not a Christian nation. We used to be. Anyone who has read the writings of our Founding Fathers can see the influence that Christianity had on the development of our form of government. John Adams wrote: "We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other."

I listened this morning to radio talk hosts debate whether America should be a Christian nation or whether there has only been a movement over the last 30-40 years where religion has tried to affect politics. The truth is that the religious right hasn't been trying to assume control over our government, we're just responding to the attempts by 'liberals' to remove God from our government. Christians are simply protecting the freedoms of religion that our founding fathers intended. When I was growing up, my parents lived out their faith in all aspects of their life. It's been my generation that has compromised and apologized and demonized Christianity until the very term no longer stands for morality and goodness and love.

If one can separate his faith from his politics, he has no faith - only a religion. Our character reflects our faith. Perhaps that is the problem. We are a generation of compromisers who are willing to push God aside so that we can live our lives on our own terms. Again, Obama was correct - America is not a Christian nation. If we were, he would not be in office. The faith of our Founding Fathers was evidenced in their character and their vision for America. Conversely, the lack of character and the vision of our leaders today reflect the absence of faith in the God upon whom our nation's principles were founded. And if our elected officials lack the moral and ethical standards of their predecessors, so too have those who sent them to office.

Eighty percent of Americans claim to be Christians, yet over half of American voters voted for a candidate and a party that believes it's OK to murder babies, steal property (imminent domain), impoverish the constituents through taxes and welfare programs (Democrats have succeeded in keeping an entire segment of Americans - through second and third generations - in poverty and indebted to them through various welfare social programs); who want to remove God from our schools, businesses and national monuments...the list goes on. Black ministers stand in their pulpits on Sunday mornings vigorously urging their congregations to vote for a political party to ensure their sustenance rather than relying upon God to provide it. This is not the actions of a people who believe in God. If we believe something, we act accordingly; otherwise it's an opinion subject to whatever circumstance we find ourselves in.

In America today, people who consider themselves Christians are just as likely to commit adultery, become addicted to pornography, abandon their spouses and children, have an abortion, and break the Commandments as much as a person who is not a Christian. I myself have been guilty of choosing my own way over God's way. I'm a product of my culture, and I know that it becomes very hard for others to distinguish my actions from those of a godless person. I have compromised my faith at the altar of 'self' and have been part of America's turn from God. If I have any claim to Christianity, it's that I know I've been wrong; and in knowing the difference between right and wrong I'm fearful for the direction away from God that America is taking. For certain, God has not turned His back on America; America has turned her back on Him.

There is much fault to be laid at the feet of fundamental Christians, of whom I consider myself one. We focus on a God of justice and pay lip service to the God of love. We desire justice more than we desire to serve one another. If we practiced what we preached, fewer Americans would feel compelled to rely upon our government. If we were more willing to care for our fellow man, we would attact people to Christ. If we had real faith when confronted with problems bigger than our ability to solve, we'd not surrender our freedoms to the government in return for their taking responsibility for us, but we'd turn to God who has the heart of the king in His hand.

George Washington wrote: "No people can be bound to acknowledge and adore the invisible hand, which conducts the Affairs of men more than the People of the United States. Every step, by which they have advanced to the character of an independent nation, seems to have been distinguished by some token of providential agency."
(George Washington, First Inaugural Address, April 30, 1789) He went on to say, "The blessed Religion revealed in the word of God will remain an eternal and awful monument to prove that the best Institution may be abused by human depravity; and that they may even, in some instances be made subservient to the vilest purposes. Should, hereafter, those incited by the lust of power and prompted by the Supineness or venality of their Constituents, overleap the known barriers of this Constitution and violate the unalienable rights of humanity: it will only serve to shew, that no compact among men (however provident in its construction and sacred in its ratification) can be pronounced everlasting an inviolable, and if I may so express myself, that no Wall of words, that no mound of parchm[en]t can be so formed as to stand against the sweeping torrent of boundless ambition on the side, aided by the sapping current of corrupted morals on the other." (George Washington, fragments of the Draft First Inaugural Address, April 1789)

Our founders understood human nature far better than we do today. We have everything to lose if we ignore or deny the importance of faith in God in our private lives as well as in our government.

The Southern United States of America

I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history and naval architecture, navigation, commerce and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain.

John Adams, letter to Abigail Adams, 1780

Some historians believe if the South had won the Civil War, that the United States that we know today would not exist; that we would probably see two or three smaller nations separating Mexico from Canada. Novelist William W. Johnstone wrote an entire series of stories about the aftermath of a global war that left the United States in shambles and how a band of patriots carved out their own part of America to defend so that they could live according to the vision of our founding fathers. The Soutern United States consists of patriots; the liberals take the northeast; and criminal gangs get the west coast in the "Ashes" series envisioned by Johnstone.

In the SUSA, every able bodied citizen is required to work. Every citizen is armed and serves as part of the militia. Laws are few and are based on common sense. There is no welfare state. Widows and orphans are cared for by their neighbors. Justice is quick and certain. Every citizen can read and understand the laws. Lawyers are not in high demand. Lawsuits are not allowed. Crooks are 'invited' to leave, after making restitution. Those who do not agree with the form of government agreed upon by the majority are also encouraged to leave. What you have left are a people truly united in purpose.

Every citizen is allowed to practice their faith as they see fit. Parents are expected to parent their children so that the State doesn't have to. Caring for the environment means that you use only what you need and leave the rest for future generations. Education is required - with great concentration on learning the way the government works and an equal education on how to defend it. Public office is a sacrifice. It doesn't pay well. Only those who care deeply about serving their nation are asked to serve; no one runs for office - it's unseemly and self-serving to do so.

Alliances with other nations are not entered into lightly, so that the SUSA doesn't get involved in disputes that put their own nation at risk. But if attacked, the SUSA responds quickly and without regard to unilateral approval from other nations. Gangs are put down fast and hard.

The media is expected to report the truth, nothing more. An accurate weather report is preferable to an editorial opinion. Celebrity is over-rated. Every citizen is entitled to privacy. Libelous and speculative accounts are treated as an assault upon a citizen with prison time as punishment. Prisoners earn their room and board; it's not a fun place to be.

Visitors from other nations are free to visit, but if they want to stay they've got to prove their good intentions by serving in the militia for at least four years, during which time they undergo extensive background investigation and constant supervision. Promotions in the military are based upon experience and performance, not upon political appointments or social status.

The citizens of the SUSA are fiercely independent and protective of their own. Character is paramount. Loyalty, honesty, and courage are expected of all. Bad character is punished. Mistakes are forgiven, but not forgotten.

I beleive there are many Americans who would choose to live under SUSA rather than under the government we've allowed to control us today. I would. And should America ever split geographically, I hope that the conservatives claim the warm, fertile lands of the South where we can create for ourselves a simpler lifestle; one that permits the time necessary to commune with God and live according to those ways more conducive to liberty and selflessness.

Getting Unstuck

A few years ago, when my youngest daughter was about 12 years of age, money was a bit tight as Christmas approached and I struggled to come up with something special for her Christmas gift. I decided to write her a story - something she could keep over the years that would remind her of the good times we've had as she's grown up. I also wanted to include some fatherly advice that would help her avoid some of my mistakes.

That first story was about a talking pelican named Peter. We had made a trip to the Outer Banks that summer, and I thought that including something we'd shared would make the story more real to her. 2003 had been a particularly trying year for us. My mother had just passed and it would be our first Christmas without her. Peter's job was to help my daughter deal with our loss, so he told her the story of Oscar the oyster and how this special crustacean used something that caused him much pain to create something of great beauty and value - a perfect dark blue pearl. Peter's goal was to focus Laura's pain on the good memories she had of her grandmother. It was cathartic to me as well.

The next Christmas, Laura's story was about a talking brown bear who taught her that courage was doing the right thing in the presence of fear. That summer we'd gone to the Smoky Mountains, so John, the talking brown bear, was a natural way of reminding Laura of our trip.

Three years ago I was struggling for an idea for Laura's stories. She's growing older and reading at a much more sophisticated level than I could write. I came upon the idea of a sequel to the novel I've not yet written - a story based on a dream I had several years earlier. This story was different because it was more of an action/adventure story and I had to be careful not to write myself into a corner by giving away too much of Sea Tree before it's actually written. "Beyond Sea Tree - A Smoky Mountain Adventure" turned out to be bigger than I at first thought and became a trilogy. The next year she got the second installment at Christmas, but because I was working two jobs most of last year I was unable to complete her story in time for this past Christmas. I've had to promise to give it to her for her graduation this January. Laura said it had better be extra good for having to wait eighteen months for her finished story.

The problem is that I've been stuck. Not one page has been written, and graduation is only nine weeks from now. The first two installments were simple narrative with no fatherly advice that Laura can remember me by. Only last night did the glimmer of an idea come as to the message I want to leave with my daughter. The past couple of years have been a bit stressful for my baby girl. She's reached the point where she's realized that her childhood is just about over and she's not sure she's ready to become an adult. She's stressing over whether she will get into Appalachian State University so she can be with her best friend Erin. I certainly hope she gets in, even though we still don't know how we're going to pay for her education. If my daughter is going to leave home however, I want her to be with her best friend. Erin is the kind of friend every parent wants their children to have.

What fatherly advice should I give my daughter at this point in her life? It must be relevant, and most of all, truthful. Here's what I came up with: It's not enough to say that things will get better, that tomorrow will be brighter, that what she's experiencing today is just a phase she's going through. The truth is that good things don't happen by accident. We live in a broken world. Kindness and charity are a decision, not a natural response to what life throws our way. Love is a gift. By limiting our own desires and by submitting our wills to someone or something besides ourselves, we consciously make this world a better place than we found it.

I could go on to say that if Laura wants to really live her own life, she needs to not simply hope for the best - that things will work out in her favor. No, if she wants good things to happen for her, she's got to do things that attract those dreams she has for herself. Simply letting life happen and reacting to it is a waste of our precious time. She doesn't want to end up in stuck with a life that is repeated too often by far too many: get up-go to work-go home-go to sleep-get up-go to work-survive until the weekend-it's over before you know it-back to work.

That's where I've been most of my adult life. Like a hamster on a wheel - running as fast as I can and getting nowhere fast; with no reward other than graying hair, deeper wrinkles, and less energy to maintain the pace. What I want to do in the final chapter of Beyond Sea Tree is to make sure Laura doesn't get on the wheel that goes nowhere. The good things we dream of aren't on that wheel. She's got to go find them.

So now I've discovered how her story will end. I've only to put it on paper. I'm getting unstuck. Once this story is behind me, I'm free to work on one other old project - a self-help book I wrote and published that never sold. This time I'm going to rewrite and publish it online for free. Money is still tight at Christmas. Maybe by giving away what I do have I'll make room for something better. In the end, I hope the stories both written and lived, will tell a tale worth remembering.

The 5,000 Year Leap

America is in the middle of a crisis and it's easy to be overwhelmed with all the bad news coming at us. We're made to feel that we have no control over what's going to happen to us; and we're spending a lot of time blaming someone else. That time could be better spent doing the things we can affect. The good news is, there is a plan that will solve most of our problems. It's not a new plan; it's the original plan - one that took 5,000 years to learn. It's as relevant today as it was in 1776. The problem is that too few Americans know the plan well enough. We can do something about it - we can educate ourselves. And once we know there's a different path than the one we seem hell-bent on following; we can do some specific things that will turn the nation around. Not only that, but we will positively affect the entire world if we go where the Founders pointed us. Give them to your teenagers so that they will learn the truth about what made America the greatest nation on God's earth. The 5,000 Year Leap is probably the finest treatise on the formation of the United States that I've ever read.

Amazon and other online outlets have been flooded with orders for Dr. W. Cleon Skousen's book, "The 5000 Year Leap". Recently, Glenn Beck promoted the book on his 9.12 Project program. People ordering the book from Glenn's site and directly from Amazon are complaining that they're not getting the updated, official version of the book as shown on Glenn's site.

James Pratt recently secured the rights to publish Dr. Skousen's book from his family. This version, the only official version, is only available at www.usconstitutioncoach.com. You need to get this book. There are plenty of copies available at the link above.

I follow James' blog (link on the right). James writes about the things that are important and relevant in my life - and I think in the lives of my friends. His personal story is inspiring and provides hope in the potential for every human being. I encourage everyone to start following James Pratt. He's got some great stuff planned for the near future. For now, start with The 5000 Year Leap, and if you really want the ultimate U.S. history collection - order the U.S. Constitution Coach Kit. Once you own these resources you'll be among the few who truly understand the miracle that is America.

SFC Tart and Other Heroes

There's a guy on Facebook who started a group - Soldiers Aren't Heroes. He's catching a lot of flack, deservedly, from Facebook fans. I signed up for the group to get his hateful post removed from Facebook, not because he doesn't have the right to express his opinions, but simply because he's wrong. People have this notion that they have the right to do whatever they want, but that's not true: we only have the right to do the right thing. Man may make laws that permit people to do the wrong thing, but these laws are secondary to natural and spiritual laws, just as the law of aerodynamics doesn't negate the law of gravity.

I spent 24 years in the Army. These were my most productive years so far - but I'm not done living yet. Although I never fought in battle during those years, I did serve with combat veterans who are indeed heroes in my book. While stationed at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts, I served with a Medal of Honor winner; a former Marine sniper who had served three tours in VietNam before switching over to the Army and volunteering for his fourth tour.

Our Command Sergeant Major was the youngest CSM in the Army at the time, also having served multiple tours of duty in combat. I was in the Sergeant Major's office changing some light bulbs one morning when a Major walked in and demanded something silly and trivial. CSM Sinkata looked at the Major and replied, "Sir, with all due respect, get the hell out of my office." The Major was shocked and angered and marched into the Brigade Commander's office to complain about the Sergeant Major. After listening to the Major, the Colonel looked the Major in the eye and said, "You heard my Sergeant Major, get the hell out of my office too."

I served as a Platoon Sergeant in Bravo Company, 252nd Armor in Schweinfurt, Germany - the cesspool of the 3rd Infantry Division, in the early 1980s. Of all my tours, this was the worst. We were only 30 miles from what is now the Czech Republic and were always in the field either on alert or training. Our barracks were in terrible shape. Most rooms had no doors. Our motor pool was usually a mud puddle, and our compound was surrounded by beet fields. On days when the wind was blowing across our barracks, the farmers would use manure spreaders to fertilize their fields.

The only bright spot during my year in 252 was Sergeant First Class William Tart. SFC Tart was tall, thin, and surly. He had no real friends, but he had the respect of senior NCOs and officers. Many times we would be ordered to do something stupid, for no other reason than because a general was going to be visiting or some BS reason. More often than not, Sergeant Tart's platoon would be tasked with some particularly odious detail, probably because the staff and command knew that SFC Tart would get it done. He might not like it. He might tell you what he thought of you and your stupid ideas, but when it came down to it, SFC Tart followed orders. When he stood before his men in formation to give them the bad news, it wasn't coming from the First Sergeant, the Platoon Leader, the Commander, or someone else: the orders for his platoon came from him.

Sergeant Tart's men didn't like him. Neither did the men in other platoons. They didn't know that he stood up for them and that he often was able to get his superiors to listen to his advice, thus making their lives easier. I was the only NCO that Sergeant Tart felt comfortable talking to, probably because he knew I was missing my family back in the States as much as he missed his. SFC Tart carried a picture of his family. He worried about them, especially during that time when President Carter was in office and the military pay had been frozen for three years, gas was rationed, inflation and unemployment back in the States was in the double digits. Here we were thousands of miles away from our families, unable to do more than send our paychecks home so our families could survive. The way that Sergeant Tart chose to deal with his worries was to immerse himself in his work and to be the best platoon sergeant he could be. He might not have been the most personable leader in the Army, but he was the most professional that I served with. He cared about his men as much as he cared about accomplishing his missions. SFC Tart's men were the most proficient, most professional of any platoon in Bravo Company...or the battalion for that matter.

There are other soldiers that I served with who impressed me with their courage, loyalty, and professionalism. Most I can't even recall their names. There was Sergeant Joseph Vickers, with whom I'd sit and play chess during the middle of the night while monitoring Soviet radio traffic from the basement of the U.S. Embassy in Berlin. There was Captain Wilbur A. Curran, the finest commander I ever served under. A former pilot in VietNam, CPT Curran was one of those laid-back officers the men loved. He promoted me to Sergeant. I still have the photo.

CPT Curran was succeeded by CPT Lester Crapps, the worst commander I ever served under. The man was fat, but he could run the daylights out of us. CPT Crapps had no personal life, so he spent his making our lives miserable. As is the way in the Army, CPT Crapps messed up, so much they had to move him up so they could keep an eye on him. I think that's the way it works in a lot of government positions.

Darren What's-his-name on Facebook claims that soldiers are not heroes; that they are stupid and don't know what they are fighting for. But I've been there, and I know otherwise. Soldiers fight wars to win the peace. Soldiers don't fight for politicians, not even for the President. Soldiers fight for something bigger - our nation and our liberties. You won't see tears running down a soldier's face because he's proud of who's in office; but you will see tears when the flag passes and the National Anthem is played. A soldier will risk his or her life because he knows that his team mate will risk their's. A soldier will snap a smart salute when he passes a superior, but his arm will rise slowly, linger on the brim of his cap, and lower ever so slowly to his side when he presents the flag to a widow or a mother who's lost her son in battle. A soldier will not leave a fallen comrade, and will do everything within his power to avoid harming the innocent. Unless one has served, they cannot know the sense of pride a service member has in being part of a team, of serving a righteous cause - freedom over tyranny - no matter where it rears its ugly head. Just getting up and putting on their boots every day is more than most Americans are willing to do; so yes - soldiers are heroes.